the stay at home dad and the rtw scaries

or: how i learned to stop worrying and love being a stay-at-home dad

apology preface

***This post is now two days later than I anticipated. Some of it was me, some was life. I’m sure y’all were chomping at the bit to read my first post, but this delay will lead nicely into my second post which will be Tuesday.***

I had my first post mostly written but it wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I know my first post will be rough until I get the hang of it but I wasn’t super excited about it yet. Then when showering, getting ready for my favorite holiday of the year it dawned on me. 

t minus 1 day

Tonight is the scariest night of the year for one more reason. My wife returns to work tomorrow from her maternity leave. I’ll be home with my two boys all by me onesies. A 2 1/2-year-old and a 5-month-old. It’ll be a new routine for all four of us. I’m a disaster without a routine so I’ll be looking to establish one rather quickly. Kids are much better with routines as well. So, my goal is to get the rough outline of one established by the end of the week. 

I remember when my wife returned to work after our first child. I was rightfully nervous being the only parent around. Our lives were very different with two parents at home so I had to establish a new “life without Mom”. Everything was on me. Food, dishes, bottles, entertaining playtime, vacuuming, laundry, etc. It’s a ton of stuff. I know stay-at-home moms have been doing this for years and I give them tons of credit. It’s brutal. But, I don’t think most dads are fully aware of ALL that is involved. It’s not something we generally talk about in the group chat.

working hard and hardly working

That’s a ton of stuff to wrap your head around but I think the thing that will be hardest for most to reconcile with is that this is not what men do. Child rearing has primarily (almost always) been the women’s role. Being the stay-at-home parent is still new to men, women, and society as a whole. We’re supposed to be working. Not necessarily the breadwinners anymore (I sure as hell am not) but, minimally working for pay. But times are changing much more rapidly than our fragile psyches (e.g. mine) can keep up with. 

I thought I’d be able to get some sort of job, but alas, I haven’t. That has eaten away at me since I started my search. And with the cost of child care the only way we were going to make it work was for me to stay home. But here we are, one night away from my wife returning to work, and I am very happy to be able to stay home with the boys, mind the house, and work on being the man I want to be. I know this is a luxury few are afforded but it doesn’t make it easy. Quite the opposite. It’s hard as hell. 

you, me and the sahd army

That’s why I wanted to start this blog. Help others in my same position, express my experiences (good and bad) for my mental health (and maybe others), and have some fun (that one’s for me). 

I hope you join me on my, my kids and my family’s journey. Let me know what you think in any medium you’d like (Website, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook). I have some ideas for the next few posts, but I’d like to hear what y’all would like to hear about as well. There are not a lot of SAHDs (but we’re growing steadily) and even fewer on social media so let’s support them where we can.

me bye, (see my first Instagram, Twitter post to understand my sign off)

ed